i made it home, dying inside. so depressed that breathing was hard. changed, got bells, went out to the field, and for the first time i couldn't do it. the bells wouldn't move. i couldn't do it. i was devastated. i felt so defeated. i just couldnt move them. my body wouldnt cooperate. its like i was just dead physically. i had no strength. it felt like the last straw broke... i got so mad.
my wife saw me down and suggested we go run sprints at the park. we ran 1 mile of interval sprints alternative sprinting a quarter and walking a quarter. where i couldnt lift a bell, i could do that. so i sprinted until i could literally sprint no more. no longer feel defeated. still feel down and out and sort of hopeless BUT i didn't give up on my exercise for the day. i found a way to make it work- i wish the rest of my life was like that. i'm sure it could be but it just seems so much more complicated. i've got to work on it.
4 comments:
I'll take a wild ass guess and say it appears you are a worrier and the way you're handling emotions is to physically exhaust the body so it's unable to generate any.
Understandable, but the problem is what is does to the nervous system.
If you don't allow your body and nervous system to heal itself after stressful workouts, you will always have those high and lows ending in a possible nervous breakdown not to mention internal organ damage.
You seem to be helpless about the coming of ominous future events which generates anxiety because you have no control. But there's on mention about a plan to deal with each event which will give you some semblance of control.
I'm not a doctor Anthony, but I've been around a long time and seen alot and it's quite obvious to me you will never gain control or have any peace until you go and talk with professional people who deal every day with problems such as these.
I apologize for the long disertation but I care.
Dom
Out of care and concern, I will tell you that several years ago there was an incident in our family that caused me to nearly go off the deep end. I ended up on anti-depressants. I NEVER would have thought I would need medication, but it took something severe to even get me to consider what I previously thought of as a fucking crutch for the weak.
I still take a small dose of an anti-d, and for me it's a good thing. My point is that I never would have considered it if things hadn't felt so dire.
What's best for you? I have no idea. But SOMETHING needs to change, because you can't live like you're living. Thank God for your wife, who sounds like a wise, loving woman.
Sending healing thoughts from CA
thanks for the care yall.
1. dom, im talking to professionals in regards tot he external factors causing me the stress. in regards to seeing professionals about the stress see below
2. leslie- ive thought about it but getting medicated scares the hell out of me. big time.
How can trying something that might help you be scarier and worse than the pain you're already feeling? When you write, my heart aches for how hard life seems to feel for you.
Trusting that you'll find your own right answer (and in case you're wondering, I am not desiring to be the poster child for anti-D's, nor do I think they're for everyone).
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