"... sed libro nos a malo..."

did Newport again as hard as I could. Have to be honest, i took more breaks than I did last Thursday. I still pushed as hard as I could. Got dizzy for a while and saw stars- worked through it.

Those C&Ps I did yesterday with the 24KGs actually made me a little fatigued in my legs and in my shoulders- I could feel it today.

Fuck that squat/kick round and fuck that overhead lunge. That killed me today. Also, I hate watching him do that hot potato. I hate that drill, I don't have a small enough KB for it. In the DVD it looks like he is using a 12KG, little me doing it with the 16KG SUCKS. I tried it hard today. Today was just hard in general. I didn't want to do it. I wanted to give up and sleep. I'm trying to fight back when and where I can and Newport is going to be my battlefield. 3 days a week- M, W, Sat... me and Newport, toe-to-toe.

I don't feel better right now. But I am so physically spent I almost don't care. I am predicting a sleepless nite. Msg me if you're up. I'll be around evaluating life.

(side note- sorry this is so dramatic lately. my wife can only hear me loose my mind so much before it starts to hurt her feelings- she'll worry about me too much. also i use this for accountability. i do not lie to myself on this. i do not lie to yall on this. b/c of that i can't leave this out. this is me. its where i am. its effecting my life in all aspects- fitness included. thanks for your comments and support. it really does matter to me a lot. makes me feel not so alone in this when i feel lost and helpless already.)

(side note to life- consider this as me, going down in writing, saying FUCK YOU)